Stacey's eMail to Jack Smith about the accident:

Jack,

I am writing to ask you to pass some information on to the list.  I am not on the list myself, but Ed was regularly.  On the night he sent home that email which referenced your email address above, he was involved in a motorcycle accident on his GoldWing on his way home from work.  He passed away at 1:35 am on Thursday morning, 12/9/2004 from his injuries.  I had wanted to let those who knew him from the SABMAG list know, but until I stumbled across this email Ed had sent on that fateful afternoon, I didn't know how to let them know.  I wish I had seen that message before the funeral, as I am sure there would have been some who would have wanted to come out.  Please pass the word to the list for me and also let them know that if anyone wishes to know more, I can be reached at staceyrogers@ix.netcom.com or at 732-846-4528.  Thank you for passing this on for me.

It really bothered me that I had no way to get in touch since I knew he was always on the list every day from work and had developed a relationship with the SABMAG folks over time.

None of us knows when our days will end and none of us can prevent it if it is really our time to go.  I have heard of people in bad accidents who walked away from it and others in seemingly minor ones who don't survive.  Ed rode roughly 400,000 miles on bikes over the past 20 years and was never involved in anything more than being rear-ended at traffic lights before this.  It still makes sense to dress for the ride to prevent needless suffering in the event of a non-fatal accident; I've also seen the road rash that people get in even minor accidents when they don't wear protective gear.  I will still wear mine when I get back on two wheels eventually and I will always have my children wear the proper safety gear as well.  My son got to ride in the funeral procession on the back of a friend's GoldWing wearing the brand new gear that Ed had bought him only 2 weeks earlier as a Christmas present.  At first Eddie was reluctant to ride in the procession, not for fear that something would happen to him, but because his father had told him when he brought the gear home and let him wear it for an hour or so that he couldn't wear it again until after he opened it on Christmas Day.  I am doing my utmost to make sure that the children don't blame motorcycling for their father's death.  I truly believe that he would have died that night no matter what he was driving.  If I am so blessed in the future, I desire to buy a Wing with a 2-seater sidecar so that I can take all 3 kids along on some trips.

As to exactly what happened, I am uncertain.  The officer in charge of the investigation has no explanation for it ... he has eyewitnesses who are saying that Ed turned left directly in front of an oncoming car.  I find this extremely hard to believe at this point, since I know his conservative riding style; if there was any doubt in his mind that he could make the turn safely, he wouldn't have begun it.  He had a reputation within the riding community (which I can verify from riding with him for many years) for being overcautious and it just doesn't make any sense.  He never used drugs or alcohol and he had a good job and a family he loved and who loved him very much.  Nothing in his life would have made him want to end his life or even risk his life to get anywhere a few seconds earlier.  There is something someone isn't saying and I don't know what it is or why.  There are only 2 people who may really know what happened that night...one can't tell and the other probably won't tell all.  I suspect that the police will hang the blame on Ed and I don't imagine that there's much I can do about it.  It's always easiest to blame the rider, especially when he can't defend himself and when the one who hit him is so young that people tend to feel sorry for her.  I know she didn't plan on hitting him, but I'm also very sure the fault was not entirely his either.  I've thought about getting a lawyer, but I'm not sure I want to go through the hell of keeping these unpleasant memories in the forefront for myself and the kids.  I will probably consult with one and if it seems beneficial I'll pursue it, but I doubt that it will do any good.



ZimBob's Response to the above:

I just read your message to Jack which he forwarded to the list.

Wow ! Your courage and class is amazing.  Most wives would be screaming at someone.

You must be one of those real Christians.

The Maggot (as we call ourselves) family is wonderful group of people.  If you need anything, we will help.

I met Ed once.  Ironically at another Maggot's funeral.

May God be with you and your family.

Bob Zimmerman
Abbot, Maine


Stacey's reply to ZimBob:

You are right that I am a Christian.  I don't think I could ever have faced these days if I wasn't and I don't know any other way to be.  I have moments when I feel like dying, but I know it isn't the answer.  I have two things which motivate me to remain reasonably self-controlled.  The first is my faith in God and the hope I have that this is not the end of all things; I will see Ed again.  The second is the 3 children, who need me to show them the way to cope in life when it appears that all is lost.  Faith without works is dead.  The working out of my faith requires that I continue and demonstrate to the children and others that God is good and is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.  Anyway, all that said, it is not my strength, but that of Christ in me that sustains me through this my darkest hour as well as the dark hours that have passed over our lives in the past.

I don't know if you knew that our second child was born with a congenital heart defect and had open heart surgery 3 times by the time she was a little more than 2 and now has a pacemaker.  Our third child was born 3 months prematurely, and she nearly died at the hospital from a staff infection at only 5 weeks of age.  These experiences and other more minor ones have helped to strengthen my faith along the way and in some odd sense prepared me for these days.  My faith has been rewarded in the past through those situations and so I confidently expect the same result today.  Who can say why those things came to pass...I didn't know at the time and still don't, but I can believe that it has all been part of the plan and I am confident that He works all things together for the good of those that love Him.

I must always remind myself that Ed also loved Him and that his good was a factor in what happened as well.  I can see how things could have been much worse for all of us if he had survived the accident, unable to walk or work again for at least a very long time.  I know that the sense of loss would have lasted much longer with a long recovery period where he wouldn't ever be the man he was before.  It would have changed things...I can see how the children would have resented and Ed would not have been able to live with a situation where he became a burden to us.  It is clear to me from his injuries that at best it would have been a very long time before he would have been whole again, if ever.  Knowing this does help me to see that God's mercy was at work; although this way is very difficult, I know it could have been much worse for Ed and for the children and myself.  I also take comfort in knowing that he went home to be with our Lord while doing something he loved doing almost as much as he loved myself and the children.

Anyway, I've gone on too long...I hope I haven't gotten too preachy.  I just wanted to share with you how things appear from where I stand so that you might understand the sources of my courage and class as you mentioned below. Anyway as for the screaming...I don't see much benefit in it as it wouldn't really change anything anyway and it would only serve to upset the children. It's not that I don't weep, even with the children...I just know that I must go on and live life to the fullest, even as Ed would have wanted me to.

Stacey Rogers.

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